Looking after grandchildren

I have not posted much on my diary for the past couple of months. I seems to have been ridiculously busy - I am looking after Julia one day a week, I've taken on the job as chair of governors at school and there has been an edition of the Thorney Post to get out. There's also Probus meetings, Churches & Teas Group, helping at Thorney Friendship Group and Spanish classes.

I'm not complaining, I enjoy all my jobs, especially the time spent with Julia, but it is surprising that my retirement free time is so small. In the new year, I will have to resolve to get better organised. I'd really like to devote a bit more time to fitness and also get the allotment better organised. Perhaps the two could be combined?

I started my Julia-sitting duties at the beginning of October when Lucy began her PhD at King's College, Cambridge. I had agreed to do Wednesdays, Margaret Fridays and Tom Thursdays (Julia would go to nursery on Mondays and Tuesdays). It's easy to sit down and plan these things, but reality has a habit of getting in the way of the best-laid plans. Julia didn't take to nursery very easily and, to make matters worse, Tom and Lucy had chosen one in Letchworth instead of the one across the road from their house. This meant a mile-and-a-half trip each way, the purchase of a bicycle, child seat for the said bike and a lot of worry about whether Julia would ever settle.

Of course, she did, but only after a few weeks. The trouble with nurseries is that they take every opportunity to get the child back home, so if parents show any weakness (such as saying "let us know if she's upset") they will be straight on the phone. It's hard to be hard, but it's the only way.

Julia did settle in pretty happily in the end, but Tom and Lucy have now moved her to the nursery opposite their house, which should be a much more convenient arrangement. There are more children in the group, but I'm not sure Julia will worry about that.

Lucy has been hit hard by the amount of work she needs to do and has had to do a lot more reading, research and essay writing than was anticipated. This, combined with Tom's unpredictable work demands has meant we've been on call for some additional days and also some weekends.

I was a little worried about looking after Julia, it's been a long time since I had a toddler to care for, but it has been a real joy. She seems to have had a continual cold and cough since starting nursery, but she's a real pleasure to be with and it's nice to be able to spend so much time with her. When my own children were this age, I was working all the hours I could to earn money and progress my career and I missed out on such a lot.

She loves a walk around Baldock and a trip to Tesco is always a good bet. I've also taken her to Heartbeeps (grown out of that now), toddler singing in Letchworth, Logan's Den (a play cafe in Baldock) and a regular trip has been to Grandparents & Toddlers Playgroup at the Mrs Howard Memorial Hall in Letchworth. This runs from 10am to 11.15 on Wednesday mornings and, combined with a rail trip from Baldock, plus a look at the fountains in Letchworth, makes for a very convivial morning. After that's it's lunch, potty training, sleep, play, dinner, bath and then mum or dad is home.

Julia has a snooze on grandad's belly (nice and soft)

I've been rocking her to sleep to Edward Lear's The Owl and The Pussycat. My mother used to say the poem to me when I was a little boy going to bed and I can still her her voice, deep in my soul: "what a beautiful pussy you are ... you are ..." as I drifted off to sleep. I'm not sure Julia always hears the magic and sometimes I have to revert to “Rock-a-bye Julia in the Tree Top”. A tired teddy was a useful prop for a couple of weeks, but Lucy has now hidden Teddy so Julia doesn’t suffer from this crazy English teddy fetish. Lucy has never used a cot for Julia (she calls it a cage) so the sleep routine has to be to rock her in your arms until she nods off, make sure she's properly asleep and then put her down on the bed. It's like handling high explosive - you need a steely nerve and a steady hand. Often, I'm ready for a sit down as well, so I just rock her to sleep in the comfy armchair and enjoy a quiet hour or so myself.

It's a shame we can't enjoy as much time with Arthur, but Jersey is not as easy to reach as Baldock. Arthur has been in nursery full time, five days a week, since Lucy started back at work in August. We've just has a weekend with them in Jersey and I can't believe how hard they all work. Arthur is generally up about 5am and is starving. On Monday, I was down at 6am and he was, uncharacteristically, crying and grumbling in Lucy's arms. Lucy said he wasn't happy because his milk was taking a while to warm up so I took him into the lounge to divert him by showing him the Christmas tree.

Lucy was soon through with his milk and he sits back in his little rocking bed and holds his bottle to drink. He's very dextrous when it comes to holding a bottle and he does love his food. His joy in a morning is to go to nursery at 7am and have a Weetabix with warm baby milk when he gets there. He started on a few solids a month or so ago and he will now try pretty much anything. He doesn't have teeth yet, but he worked his way through a good length of banana, various vegetables and meat, including ham. He seems to have a slight egg allergy so Sam and Lucy are avoiding that. Because we won't see Sam and Lucy at Christmas, Sam did us a Christmas dinner on the Sunday evening, complete with chicken, ham and roast potatoes (plus Christmas pudding). Arthur had his first taste of Brussels sprouts and thought they were yummy.

During the week, Arthur's day starts around 5.30am with breakfast milk, then he's off to nursery at 7am and dropped off by either Sam or Lucy, who then go on to work. The nursery is in St Helier and is quite close to both Sam's and Lucy's surgery/office. He's there all day and get's picked up after work and home about 6.30pm. Arthur is often ready for sleep and so it's time to get him ready for bed and then off again in the morning. Weekends are when Sam and Lucy get to spend time with him. It's a very different routine to the one we had with our children, but Arthur seems very happy and is growing up fast. He can sit confidently, but can't yet pull himself into a sitting position. If you put him on his belly, we will lift himself up into a crawl position and can move himself backwards on their wood floor. He will also stand and lean against the back of a chair or between your legs, so he has a lot of core strength for his age.

He likes to go in his walker and can get around the lounge quite well. He also has a lot to say for himself and jabbers away to the world, generally with a nice smile on his face.

Arthur falls for the old reindeer ears picture

We only had a couple of days on Jersey and on Saturday morning we went to St Peter's Garden Centre near the airport to buy a Christmas tree. We'd feared the worst that crowded Christmas shopping could throw at us, but it was actually a really nice atmosphere and Arthur quite enjoyed all the sights, the people and being wheeled/carried around. Sam was on call and had to go to see a patient, but we'd taken two cars, so we stayed on a bit and had a drink and cake in the cafe. Margaret has been campaigning for a new artificial tree and I have been a bit grumpy about it because we had an artificial tree which she gave away two years ago. I think I got into the Christmas spirit in Jersey, if we hadn't been restricted to two cabin bags, I'd have bought trees, lights, reindeer ...

It was fine weather, but with quite a cold wind and, in the afternoon, we went down to St Aubin's Bay and walked around to St`Aubin, where there was a small community Christmas Fair. Arthur was well wrapped up in his special suit and slept pretty much the whole walk. Margaret insisted on pushing him despite cold hands.

Once Arthur was in bed and we'd watched Strictly Come Dancing on television, I suggested Lucy decorated the tree. She didn't look very happy at the prospect (I think she had her heart set on finishing the sherry bottle), but knew she wouldn't have time the next day, so she set to. She soon started to enjoy herself and the tree looked lovely. Arthur was very interested the next day and grabbing a bauble off the tree might be just the incentive he needs to get his head around this crawling business.

Blowing raspberries at Arthur on the walk.

On Sunday, we walked through St Lawrence, via the back roads to Hamptonne Country Life Museum, where there was another Christmas Fair. It's an interesting place and one of the attractions was a working cider mill, which would be a great facility to have in Thorney. There was an apple crusher, a press and a collection of fermentation barrels. We had mulled cider and an enormous sausage in French bread, which meant I could barely eat anything for the rest of the day.

Arthur was happy to snooze most of the time, but woke up on the way home and decided he's spent enough time in his buggy. Sam and I carried him, taking it in turns until the last quarter of a mile when Margaret wanted a turn. When we got in, Sam cooked a Christmas dinner, while I entertained Arthur and Margaret went with Lucy to Jersey zoo. We'd decided to get Arthur a year's membership as it seems a good place to go to keep him entertained at a weekend. Arthur needed a nappy change and had presented me with a poo. As soon I I got his nappy off he wee’d and I only just managed to jump out of the way. I now had a wet pad and no idea where the new nappies were. I eventually found one under the changing table, but it turned out this was a swimming nappy (designed to keep in poo, but let wee straight out), so he needed a complete change by the time Lucy and Margaret got home.

The weekend was over all too soon. Lucy dropped us at the airport the next day and we had a monster breakfast there before flying back to Gatwick. It was a good journey and we were back about 2pm, in time to buy that artificial Christmas tree, some lights and pick up a delighted Holly from kennels.

We'll see Sam, Lucy and Arthur in January when we go skiing, but these little glimpses of Arthur bring it home how lucky we are to be able to spend so much time with Julia.

Three generations of Rayners. Arthur would love to get his hands on an iPhone!

Julia's first pair of shoes

Getting your first pair of shoes is one of life’s little milestones – first tooth, first haircut, first steps.

Today, Margaret, Lucy and I took Julia to Clarks shoe shop in Queensgate to have her feet measured and to buy her first shoes.

Julia isn’t walking yet, but she will push a walker (doggy) along and I’m sure it will only be a few weeks before she is toddling.

Tom had a very busy few days – a trip to Manchester, a trip to Leicester and then an early start to film at a fruit farm in Suffolk. Julia and Lucy came to stay with us and Julia was in a very happy mood – no tears in the car, swinging her leg over the side of the buggy (just like her dad used to) and jabbering away.

She liked the look of Queensgate (the shopping centre) and the Clarks shop was a new experience. They were very kind and helpful. We’d made an appointment to have her feet measured and it was just as well because the shop was full of children getting new shoes for the start of the autumn school term.

I can remember having my feet measured when I was little and also taking my own children along. Now I’m taking my grandchildren – Clarks has done rather well out of me over the years!

It’s a little more high-tech these days: assistants carry little portable devices and tablets, but the result is still the same - 4G in Julia’s case.

She found the whole process very interesting; the shop was fascinating (she’d have loved to re-arrange the shoes on the display shelves) and didn’t at all mind trying on shoes. Lucy chose a nice dark pink pair and Julia seemed very proud to wear them.

Afterwards, we went to the John Lewis cafe for lunch and Julia shared my salmon sandwich and some of Margaret and Lucy’s sausage, mash and gravy – a strange combination, but one that went down very well.

My grandson makes a surprise early arrival

Well, this has been quite a day for grandchildren! I had volunteered to look after Julia today because Margaret has had a bad cold and cough. Margaret has been doing one or two days a week helping with Julia to allow Lucia some study time to get her dissertation written.

White I was driving down to Baldock, the phone beeped a few times. I thought it might be Tom or Lucia sending me a message, so when I was stopped in the queue for the Sandy roundabout, I took a quick peep.

It was a message from Sam to say that Lucy had given birth just half an hour earlier. We knew she was having a boy, so no surprise there, but it wasn’t a message I expected to see. I have to say that on a grey Monday morning, it made me swell with happiness.

Lucy only gave up work on Friday and the due date was still a couple of weeks away, so my new grandson wasn’t hanging around. He weighed in at 7lbs 5ozs (they still use imperial weights for babies). I think he’s going to be called Arthur.

First picture of Arthur - possibly not his best side.

I didn’t have long to muse on this new member of the family. Julia was waiting for me (in Tom’s arms) and gave me a nice smile. Sometimes, she doesn’t want to come to me if Margaret or her mother is available, but she was happy enough this morning (phew). Lucia put her to bed before leaving for the library (where she works on her dissertation) and she slept for only about 20 minutes.

Julia makes a grab for my phone - that will
teach me to try a selfie.

We had a nice play during the morning. She’s very happy provided she has your attention and she spent a long time on her alpaca mat sorting out bricks and dolls from her basket. We’d gone upstairs for a change of scenery on the jungle play mat when mum arrived home. Thankfully, she was met by a happy baby, so Eric got a team point. I even managed to change a nappy (with a little help from Lucia at a critical point).

After lunch (Julia is doing baby-led weaning) Julia was put to bed for another snooze, but she stayed asleep for an hour and a half. In fact, she was still asleep when Lucia came home, so grandfather had a pretty easy time of it! Maybe I tired her out during the morning or perhaps she couldn’t take any more of my singing.

I’m baby-sitting again on Wednesday – and I’m rather looking forward to it. Not sure I’ll get such an easy ride next time ...

Julia is growing quickly

Julia our granddaughter is now more than three months old and the change in her is remarkable.

We have been lucky to be able to see her very often; I think two or three weeks is the longest interval we've had, and seeing her at intervals means we see a step change in her development every time.

Sometimes it's quite shocking, such as when she got control of her head and neck within the space of two weeks and, instead of flopping like a rag doll, she was able to turn her head in the direction she wanted.

We've seen her eyes go from 'blank, no-one's home' to bright, curious and questioning.

All these things I remember from my own children, but being with them every day, I didn't pick up the small changes that, collectively, make a large step so it all seemed less dramatic.

The other thing that I've noticed is how well Julia knows her mother. If you're holding her and she hears Lucy, she turns to try to see her. Before she could move her head, she would stiffen in excitement (or stop crying) when she heard Lucy's voice.

These past couple of weeks have been quite busy. On September 19, Sam and Lucy should have been coming across from Jersey to spend a couple of weeks holiday in England. The plan was to spend a week in Thorney, be here for Julia's christening on September 27, and then head to Ramsgate, where Lucy's parents have a second home and where a lot of their furniture has been stored for almost two years.

They were coming across in their new car (Lucy's car) a white Jeep, which they bought in August, but things didn't go to plan. Condor Ferries, which operates the link between the Channel Islands and the UK, had a problem with its new boat, so there were no sailings for a few days.

They were eventually able to get on a sailing on Monday evening and so landed in Poole during the early hours and got to Thorney about 5am. Lucy is also pregnant, of course, and they hadn't had the ideal journey - a long, bouncy crossing with people being seasick and then a long drive in the early hours.

It was good to see the two of them. Before they went to France (and then Jersey) I was used to spending an evening with them at least once a month in Walthamstow and I miss their company. I don't think Lucy had been back to Thorney since July 2014 when they came back from France.

It has been a pretty stressful time for them both this year (mainly good stress). Sam has bought into the Castle Quay practice in St Helier and is now a partner, he's also bought into the separate pharmacy business and so is now fully committed to spending his working life on Jersey. He and Lucy have bought a car and Lucy is pregnant with a baby due in March.

They have been staying in an annexe above the garage of one of Sam's partners, which has been quite OK (perhaps a bit miserable during the winter), but with the practice now sorted and Lucy having a baby, it was time to get their own place.

Jersey property is very expensive compared to the UK and they've seen a couple of places they liked, made offers and had them accepted, only to fall through. They have an offer accepted on another place and it should go through in about a week's time, so this is another anxious wait.

After staying with us, they spent a week in Ramsgate sorting out their furniture for removal and also packing some of the more delicate items to take with them in the car.

Tom and Lucy wanted to have some kind of naming ceremony for Julia, but hadn't, initially, considered a christening. There was some thought of a christening at Thorney, but then they got the idea that it would be nicer to have it in the cathedral.

Because Tom attended the cathedral school - King's School - this was possible and a date was set for the end of September, which matched Sam's holiday. After the ceremony, friends and relations would be invited back to our house for food and drink.

It was decided to cook beef bourguignon, served with a pie made from a Tudor recipe that Lucy and Emilia had found when they visited Hampton Court Palace. There would be Scotch eggs made with quails' eggs for starters, lemon drizzle cake and orange ice cream to finish, served with sweet, sparkling tea.

Parents and godparents with Julia after
the christening ceremony

Personally, I'd have got some pies and sausage rolls from Sainsbury's and made some ham sandwiches, but it would not have been as memorable. For a few days previously, Margaret and I were shopping for large quantities of meat, mushrooms (I've never bought so many mushrooms at once) and pastry. My contribution was to make a cake.

Actually, the day couldn't have gone much better. The weather was beautiful - we were having an Indian summer, the garden looked nice and we were able to have everyone seated on tables on the lawn in the sun.

The ceremony was much better than it would have been at Thorney. It was part of a regular morning communion service and was quite grand, but also very friendly and welcoming. Julia, bribed with a bottle of milk, was very well behaved.

Max was godfather and Emilia, Lucy's sister, was godmother. Nidia, Lucy's mum, was able to come across from Ecuador. We picked her up from Heathrow on the Saturday morning and she stayed with us over the weekend, then I ran Lucy, Nidia, Emilia and Julia back to London on Monday afternoon. Nidia will stay for a couple of weeks, which is fantastic.

Meeting my new granddaughter

I'd forgotten how small new-born babies are. They really are tiny!

I became a grandfather on Friday, June 26, 2015 at 2.10am and I met my granddaughter, Julia Elena, for the first time about 11 hours later.

I feel as if I should be writing something really profound, but I've already deleted half a dozen sentences, so no Chinese philosophy for life in this blog. It's also a Kahlil-Gibran-free zone!

Tom texted on Thursday morning to say that Lucy's waters had broken during the night, so the baby was on her way - we already knew the sex and the name had been chosen (so there were no surprises). I thought the baby would be born fairly quickly, but Lucy was sent home from hospital and told to come back when contractions were every three minutes.

She spent a pretty uncomfortable day at home and when I called for an update, they were still there at 10pm, joined by Max, Inna and Sam (Sam had come across from Jersey for a course in minor surgery). Contractions were getting more intense, so I guessed the baby would come overnight.

I got a text from Tom at 2.30am to say she'd been born 20 minutes earlier and that she weighed 2.7kg, so I woke Margaret to tell her the news. In the morning, Margaret was planning a trip to London on Saturday and had arranged dog-sitting duties with my sister, but I thought we should see Julia on her first day, so we packed Holly into the car and headed to London.

Only a few hours old - Julia Elena

June 26, 2015, was a lovely sunny day with temperatures around 28 deg C. We thought Lucy, Tom and Julia would be at home, but we got a call just as we neared Catford to say that they were still at Lewisham Hospital and we should go there. While Margaret got the sat-nav out, stuck it to the screen, caught it when it dropped off and then tried to programme it to find the hospital, I followed signs to Lewisham and came to the hospital in the High Street. Fortunately, it's really easy to find.

Max and Sam met us in the car park and took Holly for a quick walk while we went in to see the baby. I have to say I was very impressed by Lewisham Hospital, it's a fantastic place and they had a massive delivery room with birthing pool. It's a lot different from the drab, functional room in Peterborough Maternity Hospital where Tom was born almost 34 years ago.

Lucy looked tired, but happy; Tom looked shattered. Baby Julia was wrapped up in a merino wool blanket and cap with little mittens on to stop her scratching her face with her sharp fingernails. She is tiny, but with perfect little hands and feet. She has black hair (like her mother) but everyone says she looks like Tom.

I have no wisdom to impart and no advice (except never have a tattoo), but welcome to the world Julia, have a long and happy life and thanks for carrying a few of my genes into a new generation.

Footnote: Julia was called Julia because a July birth was predicted. Her early arrival might have meant a name change to June, but Tom and Lucy have stuck with Julia. Elena is after her great-grandmother Luisa Elena Cadeno Gallo, who will be 100 years old in February.

Sleep when you can - there will be a lot of disturbed nights.